The Beginning of the End of the Beginning

Hello world. It’s been a while. I’m not sure if this entry is the first of many, or if this is just another broken promise to get back into the game. So much has happened in my life during my blogging down time (over a year now) and I’m not sure how I feel about dredging it up. I’m not even sure how to go about catching you up. I’m not sure about much of anything these days.

Admittedly, there were many times when I wanted to write an entry but I didn't feel like I had a good place to do it in, which really just goes to show you how completely insane I am because in addition to owning two domains I have a Xanga, a Livejournal, a Vox account, a Myspace and various tangible journals. Girlsarestrange has been in the making since December of '05 and even though I was out of the writing mode for a while, I also felt like I had to perfect the aesthetics in this place before I'd be allowed to write in it. It's funny how the art and the creative writing world collide sometimes. I'm finally realizing I don't have Summers and weekends to sit on my ass and code like I did in high school, so the revamp will be slow going. I just need to get some words out.

I really hate to springboard back into the water via one of these entries with the rewinding and the filling in, but I don't feel like I can just jump back in without telling at least a little bit of what's been going on, so, I guess we’ll cover the basics: Since turning 21 I’ve been on a slow and sometimes quick road to becoming an alcoholic, I am now officially a double major with (hopefully) one semester left before I’m out of this batshit crazy institution, I finally left the apartment across the street from my school thinking it would bring me to a new level in life but I’ve only found one complication after another (including being closer to my parents and an overdrawn bank account), I succeeded in winning over my writing teacher and my art teacher with stories and my eye for good art but remain wholly unsure of my abilities as a kid of the creative breed, I’m finally preparing to leave a job I’ve held for almost 4 years now yet I haven’t the slightest idea what I’ll do for money after that and finally, I got my heart ripped out and trampled on almost a year ago but it still feels like it was only yesterday.

It’s hard to believe that some of the people I know genuinely believe that my life is “neat” or something to be envious of. I take a step back and I see a bunch of incomplete images and random ideas. Others take a look at me and say that I have “it”—whatever that is. I only wish I could see what other people see in me. God, this entry is making me want to vom already.

And that’s where my life is right now. Always on the verge of losing my lunch and moving forward but staying in place all at the same time. I’m traveling at a pace I’m unsure of with a blindfold on and money’s tight, but thank God, love is plentiful. I think that’ll be enough to get me to the next entry. Maybe I'll even have time to get some proper design up in this joint. Until then.