Onward

I’m heading off to spend a few days with my Lesbionics, so I want to write my last post of 2007 while I still have the chance. I rang in this year not by doing anything fun like getting wasted or naked, but by sleeping. For some reason I figured if I brought in 2007 quietly, life would be gentle on me. See, at that time I was suffering from what then seemed like the ultimate torture, which was basically just being in limbo when it came to everything in my life. I wasn’t sure where I was going to live during the next year, I wasn’t sure what kind of relationship I had with my kind of sort of boyfriend, graduation felt so far away and anything and everything was seemingly neither here nor there. I had no answers and no set plans; it was pretty horrifying. Little did I know that 2007 would, instead of provide me with answers or hints to the purpose/meaning of my life, punch me in the face. Several times.

Of course, I’m mostly talking about the getting cheated on and every tragedy that’s struck me this December, and since I’m sure I’ve exhausted those topics to infinity and beyond, I won’t torture you by going over them again or by talking about all terrible incidents that I haven’t yet mentioned through this medium. I will say, however, that I’m saying goodbye to 2007 with my middle finger in the air. I’m so physically and emotionally drained at this point that it’s difficult to think.

Now that I know that there’s always a possibility that things can get worse no matter what, I’m going to spare myself the “safe” celebrations and welcome 2008 by getting shit faced with some of my most favorite people in the world. All together now: The way you bring in the New Year has absolutely no influence on the rest of it; there will always be good and bad. Sure, 2007 sucked hairy balls, but on the bright side, I’ve made a ton of new friends and I adore them immensely. 2007 was comparable to being in high school, not only because of the level of ridiculous drama, but also because it’s really rare to befriend the number of people that I did within the last six months or so without being in a forced environment. And in addition to that, I’ve deepened my relationships with some very special people; most importantly my father, and can you believe it? The reason behind that one is that my stupid car was stolen! I’m trying to believe that all the ache I feel can be worth it, depending on how I look at the situation.

So here’s to whatever 2008 has in store for me, whether it be fantastic or terrifying. I’ve made it this far, so fuck hoping for “gentle” – just give me real.