Deterioration and a continuum of things

Hello adoring fans.

Did I ever tell you that I drove one of my ex-boyfriends to the brink of madness and because of that madness he joined the air force and moved three thousand miles away from me?

HAHA.

Okay, maybe it wasn’t exactly like that. Basically, when I met him during my freshman year of high school, his parents were already pushing him to follow in the footsteps of their lineage of military men, but after we started dating he didn’t want to leave, and by the time we were seniors he was not only accepted into the same college as I was, he was going to dorm in the same building as well. Talk about crazy.

As an adult I now understand why there are a growing number of people who advise against marrying your high school sweetheart. I mean, who does that anymore? Nobody knows what kind of person they’re going to be when they’re that young, right? When my ex and I met, I had no idea that he’d turn into an old man at the age of sixteen and he had no idea that my inner party girl would begin to emerge during my freshman year of college. At some point, I began turning into a butterfly just as he starting turning into something very, very different. We fought these changes for a long time; I remember my entire senior year as being one battle after another. He wanted to stay home and talk about cars and his sixteen (seriously, sixteen) parakeets while considering retirement plans, and I just wanted to have a good time.

So you know where this is going. Two days before prom the arguments got so bad that he dumped me. Bummer. I was thisclose to not going to the big dance at all, but my dear mother pointed out (a.k.a. screamed) that she’d paid for my dress to be altered three times, and there was no way in hell she was going to let me waste that kind of money. So I went, but instead of caring about pretty shoes and pretty hair I wore some old school shell toe Adidas and a pink bandana. I probably have photos, but I think it’s too early in the year for that kind of embarrassment. Anywho, I also showed up arm-in-arm with my ex’s arch nemesis.

Ouch.

I kind of knew that it would be a bad move to show up to THE PROM with someone he absolutely hated, but at the same time I kind of didn’t (I guess I’m just a naïve jackass like that), so I was really surprised to see my ex getting reprimanded by the principal for punching the wall of the hotel ballroom out of anger/jealousy/total psychotic rage. And then I was even more surprised when, two weeks later, just before our graduation ceremony he showed up at my house with a really emotional letter that explained his thought process after prom (including the part where I supposedly took his heart and tore it in half). Before I had even gotten a quarter of the way down the page he blurted out, “I joined the military.”

Despite the fact we were two very different people and our relationship had ended, I took the news extremely hard. I mean, shit, he had made a last minute decision to leave the country because he didn’t see a point in staying if we were irreparable. That’s some serious thinking for two seventeen year olds, don’t you agree?

For the next two years we maintained an on and off relationship, and during my sophomore year of college I even flew to England where he was stationed to beat the dead horse some more. If there was such thing as an award for dragging things out, I’m sure I’d be the annual winner.

Presently he’s married with child and isn’t permitted by his wife to speak to me, but I’m okay with that. Had we still been together, today would mark our eight year anniversary and neither of us would probably have any nerves left to speak of. It seems like this day, January 12, has been and will always be imprinted on my brain. Whether I’m in a relationship or single, I can’t help but think of my past life (brace yourself):

1/12/2004: Title: Four

Today is my 4 year anniversary. I have a lot I'd like to say but it's all very personal, so I think I'll shutup for now.

However, I have no problem saying that I'm really happy right now and I feel really lucky to be here with him on this day.
Okay, shutting up.

Ps. If you ever read this (which I'm pretty sure you won't because you hate blogs and everything blog related), happy anniversary. Love you.

1/12/2005: Title: It’s the 12th!

It would have been 5 years today had we not called it quits.

Regardless, I am feeling pretty fan-fucking-tastic about today and about our new found friendship (thank you for getting over your whole "if-I-can't-be-with-you-I-don't-want-to-have-anything-to-do with-you" bit, cause it was really lame).

I'm all hearts today<3

1/12/06: Title: What a spectacularly normal day

I'm posting this pint-sized entry just to say that I did not suffer from a searing migraine or blistering heartache today, and that in itself is an achievement that will most likely merit a top 5 spot in the list of my most satisfying accomplishments at the end of this year.

Thank you.

1/12/07: Title: Ha!

I have fond memories, but my new anniversary is so much sexier.

I don’t want there to be any confusion; I don’t remember this date because a tiny part of me is still in love with him. On the contrary, I think during our last telephone conversation we were talking about his wife’s jealousy of our long relationship and I remember laughing and saying that even if he were the last man on the planet I still wouldn’t want anything to do with him. --It’s just that every time this date comes around I think of my old self and I can’t believe what a bat-shit crazy lovesick bitch I was, and how little of that has actually changed.