Thou shalt recycle, and not clean poo from a resistant child’s hands

I apologize to anyone offended by this, but I can't help but laugh at the Vatican's new "Seven Modern Social Sins". Here there are, in all of their heavenly and non-polluted glory, right next to examples of how I may or may not have broken them in the last week:

1. Environmental pollution

- I drove/drive/am driving.

- You can't make me give up my aerosol cans of hairspray. You just can't.

- Ok. Ok. I don't recycle. There. I said it.

2. Genetic manipulation

- Wait, so the Church frowns upon my plan to clone myself hundreds of times over for my Chelsi Army? I'm shocked!

3. Accumulating excessive wealth

-Dude. My tax return is going to rock. Thank you economic stimulus payment.

4. Inflicting poverty

- So I didn't give those eighteen bums I saw on the way to the BART station in San Francisco any of my spare change. So what?

5. Drug trafficking and consumption

- Good times!

6. Morally debatable experiments (specifically medical research involving human testing)

- So it ended up that I had my cake and ate it too. I call my experiment: Checking to See if My Birth Control Still Works. Verdict: You betcha!

7. Violation of fundamental rights of human nature

- Last week I looked after my friend's autistic three year old and saw him touch his butt right after taking the hugest dump ever. I was pretty sure by the look on his face and the way he stared at his hand for like five minutes afterward that he had some kind of messy situation going on, so naturally I tried to get him to wash his hands, but because he's autistic and certain textures or practices make him freak the fuck out, he ran away from the soap and I screaming bloody murder. Humans have the right to choose whether or not they want to wash their hands after using the bathroom, but more importantly, Chelsi has the right to indulge in being bigger and stronger while she still has the chance.