And on the third year, God said Let there be closure

In case I don't get around to posting again before May, I want to quickly update you all on how I did with my April Goals. Because I know you care so much about whether or not I have abs of steel.

I’ll start off by saying that I did not work out at all. Not a single day. Why? BECAUSE WHO HAS TIME FOR WORKING OUT? Did you read my last post? I’m completely whacked out on caffeine and lack of sleep, and I think if I actually had the drive to work out in spite of those things, the over exertion would send me to an early grave anyway. Oh well. Maybe it’ll be something I can start doing next month, although I think Graduating will still be at the top of my list. Also, in case you hadn’t already guessed, the not eating after eight o’clock thing didn’t work out so well either. What kind of crack was I on when I dreamed up these impossible feats? Honestly, nighttime is the only time I have to eat unless I want to spend all of my money on takeout, and after waking up next to soy sauce packets and bits of rice last week, I realized that doing that is not a good idea for many, many reasons. Plus, I wouldn’t have been able to eat all of that jalapeño spinach artichoke dip, chili, pineapple upside-down cake, sweet potato fries and the delicious, delicious beer at the lesbian/hula themed birthday party I helped throw last Sunday, which included a game called pin the boobs on the babe and a piñata full of dental dams, snickers and little whips on key chains. The five pounds I’m sure I gained? Totally worth it.

April wasn’t a total bust. First of all, I scanned through old entries and realized how far I've come since last April, and that alone made me want to do backflips across my front lawn, and if backflips didn't require any physical exertion, let me tell you, I would definitely do them. This time around I managed to score some dental insurance and will hopefully be able to schedule an appointment to repair my rotting teeth some time next month. And I did attend as many of the events hosted by my internship as I could and have been checking out freelance job opportunities, although I haven’t yet had time to review or submit. And while to you it may seem like I kind of failed at all the things I set out to do this month, I know that because I achieved the number one thing on my list, I’m making some important progress in my life and that makes my little slip ups OK with me. Like that one time a few weeks ago when HWMNBN called me and asked me to come over and I knew it would lead to very un-holy actions in the bedroom but I went anyway, because had I not done that, I wouldn’t have discovered some very un-holy activities of his own (ones that didn't include me), and I wouldn’t have driven home listening to Purple Rain on the radio while feeling completely sure that this person who’s had a grip on my heart strings for way too long is in no way worth all the grief and aching, and instead of considering that fact with a sense of loss and remorse, there was disgust and relief instead. And had that realization not been made and this time wholly felt, I wouldn’t have been able to turn my cheek to all the calls and messages he’s sent since, and I wouldn’t be sitting here in front of this text field telling the Internet that I’m feeling the beginning of what I think will be a very amazing time in my life.

Now, let’s all pay homage to Prince and party like it’s 1999.