Don’t's

Call me after nearly eleven months of not talking because I told you I CAN’T STAND YOU, and casually remind me that it’s been a year since we messed around. You've got to be kidding me.

I said things like you irritate me beyond belief, that I don’t want anything to do with you, that you have lots of very serious, deep-seated issues that are all completely beyond my tolerance level, and that you basically SUCK ASS. Why in the world would you want to call and remind that it’s the anniversary of the time I saw you naked? IT IS NOT SOMETHING I WANT TO REMEMBER. AT ALL.

I could say that the silver lining of this situation is that now I can share with everyone the exact boiling point of brain, but wait, there goes the mental image of your bare ass again, the one you so thoughtfully re-planted into my memory, and it’s SEARCH AND DESTROY-ing all of the things that make it possible for me to turn thoughts into coherent speech.

This is the part where Life keels over because of laughter pains, and I just bow my head in silence/defeat.