I know this bitch and her name is Rejection

I’d like to say that the reason posting around here has been so light lately is because I got a job doing something I love to do and am busy making a ton of money. That and the bitch of a personal assistant I had to hire to keep up with all of my correspondence and scheduling is totally slacking. Alas, that isn’t the case. Actually, a position at the organization I intern for opened up a couple of weeks ago and I was so stoked when I got the email about scheduling an interview that I immediately sent them my resume (the one that needs editing) and a cover letter that read: I LIVE FOR THIS NON-PROFIT. PLEASE HIRE ME. I’m not even kidding.

The position was a temporary part-time administrative job that opened up because our current gal is having problems with child care, and even though I loathe administrative work, I thought getting paid to be at an organization that I honestly feel I live and breathe and exude out of my pores when I sleep would be a dream come true, no matter the responsibilities. So, I scheduled my interview on a day that I’d normally be there working on gallery stuff, dressed in the type of clothes I usually wear to intern (jeans, a button down, Asics) and sat there in front of the Outreach Program Director and the Office Manager and sold myself rather terribly, right after they interviewed an old intern that made them laugh out loud a zillion trillion times and another old intern (Margarita) that wore what looked like a $200.00 suit and kept them in conversation for over half an hour. Afterward I kept thinking, Why didn't they laugh at my jokes? Did I have something on my face? Like maybe a giant banana slug, or Leprosy? Is that why they were looking at me like that? Since when does professionalism prevail over cool, confidence and comfort when you're dealing with people you already know and work for, FOR FREE? Where did I put that bottle of Vodka, damnit?!?!??!!

Needless to say I didn’t get the job. Though they said it would take four to five days to decide, I got an e-mail that very evening thanking me for my interest and dedication to the organization, but also letting me know that they chose to go with another candidate. And then I died.

Okay, just kidding. I didn’t die. I was disappointed though, and for days I tried to blame someone, something, anything, on the reason I failed the interview, including my casual outfit, my ugly hair, my very unappealing two hour commute, my less than professional cover letter, the awful job I did at disguising how much I despise office work, etc. But the bottom line is I didn’t have enough experience. I know it wasn’t my personality because besides being very confident in my heavyweight awesomeness, they didn’t even hire laughing guy! And Margarita did function as an administrative assistant under the Outreach Program Director when she interned, so it was a smart decision to give her the job. Plus she’s become a good friend of mine, and I think she really deserved the opportunity.

None of those realizations kept me from behaving like I’d just been through a bad breakup, however, and an old friend asking me to sit his house while he went out of town couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. For two days I lazed around in a hammock underneath a pomegranate tree, reading The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay (which is conveniently ironically, about American opportunity), eating yogurt pop after yogurt pop, and talking up a storm about my stand-still life to his creepy pet chickens, named after princesses by his four year old daughter. It was a little difficult to adjust to Xena, Leia, Belle and Diana constantly going after my toes like they were little worms, but at the end of my three day vacation, they turned out to be pretty good listeners that could fake interest quite well with their cute little cocked heads and beady eyes. I guess. Also, I stopped going out into the yard without socks.

Besides the rejection, talking to chickens like a crazy person, getting sicker than I’ve been in my whole life, attending HWMNBN’s several birthday parties without imploding and the havoc my brother and I have wreaked in the house since my dad went out of town, life has been pretty uneventful. I mean, I’ve got a couple of art and writing projects underway, and I’m actively searching for a job in between episodes of The Girls Next Door, but I’m beginning to feel like this temporary move home is going to become long term because I’m never going to find a job, and soon They are going to call me and say I’ve failed at life and I should just resign.

I need Life to give me a break before I drive down to the chicken store with the intention of purchasing a personal assistant complete with beak and feathers. What do you guys think the odds of that happening are?