In a perfect world, I’d take my own advice

Jeremy: The girl I'm talking to chose to hang out with her friend instead of me yesterday, so I txt messaged her with, 'Suppose I'll see you at work tomorrow then.'

Chelsi: Uh huh...and?

J: She didn't text me back for two hours!

C: Is that...bad?

J: I thought so! She always replies! So I sent her a message later that night saying sorry if I was being a jerk.

C: [pulls out a single hair] So then what happened?

J: Well, I saw her at work today and it turns out her phone died.

C: Okay then, problem solved!

J: Yeah, except she didn't reply to my 'good morning' txt today and on top of that she was acting kinda weird at work.

C: [pulls out many hairs] You message her every morning? This chick isn't even your girlfriend.

J: ...most girls think it's cute.

C: You're a woman.

J: Anyway. I txt messaged her about a half hour after we got off work to sa--

C: [entirely bald now] YOU WHAT?

J: Messaged her after work?

C: Dude. You're creepy and smother-tastic. She LIED about her phone being dead and she didn't respond to your morning messages or act normal at work because YOU'RE ANNOYING. And the only reason you have the slightest idea of what she's been up to in the last day is because you work together, which, at this point in time, kind of sucks for you. Because she's sick of you. Sick, sick, sick.

J: ...

C: Dude...

J: STOP TELLING ME WHAT I ALREADY KNOW. CAN'T YOU JUST BE COOL AND LET ME LIVE IN SWEET DENIAL?