A preview of my best-selling novel

[Note: The following conversation has been edited down because I kinda care about your brain cells.]

Chelsi: I’m reading American Gods by Neil Gaiman
: anything to get Twilight out of my head
: because every time I consider a story to write, it has something to do with vampires named Edward

Arwen: why on EARTH would you want to write about anything else?
: CLEARLY THAT MARKET HAS NOT BEEN TAPPED ENOUGH.

C: Seriously, if I were to try and write a book about towels right now, they’d end up being bloodsucking towels that shine in the sunlight.

A: THE BANDWAGON IS NOT TIPPING OVER AND SPILLING DEAD AWFUL BOOKS INTO THE STREET AT ALL.

C: I’m laughing so hard right now

A: please
: please write about bloodsucking towels
: I will give you five cookies to write me a short story about bloodsucking towels

C: SO DONE. IM STARTING TOMORROW.

A: FANTASTIC

C: and I will write it in a Stephenie Meyer fashion

A: oh EXCELLENT
: so you’ll be using the word “pilled” at least 58 times, yes?

C: : “the towel was so effortlessly graceful, there on its rack”
: “and felt cool on my 98.6 degree body…”

A: oh. my good lord.

C: “it was smooth… like marble. I traced the fibers with my tongue…”

A: EW
: SHE IS SO BAD

C: LOL
: I’m crying

A: *chokes*

C: “I knew it would make the most sensual blanket on this sunny day... the first we’d had since June 12, 1943. But it wasn’t until I brought it outside, in the sunlight, that I knew its true power...”

A: “Suddenly I saw a shadow grace the wall. The movement was slight yet so obvious, like that of a pilled cardigan wafting in the breeze…”

C: “the shimmer was like nothing I’d ever seen…”

A: “The fibers sparkled like the dew of a morning flower…”

C: “like a million sparkling diamonds wrapped around my body..."

A: “...Trailing stars into the night sky.”

C: “as the last image I saw in my normal life, it was like going to heaven…”
: “the next thing I knew, I too, was a shimmering, bloodsucking towel”
: "OH, THIS DELICIOUS NEW BODY"

A: “surrounded by a million shining fibers…I was a russet-colored towel, with russet trim and russet fibers.”

C: I JUST SPIT

A: oh man
: *whew
: LOL
: I keep thinking about it...
: how it just…soaks up blood for sustenance

C: "I WAFTED LIKE I’D NEVER WAFTED BEFORE"
: "EVERYTHING WAS SO CLEAR IN THIS 1200 THREAD COUNT BODY"

A: “I wasn’t quite Egyptian…yet not any longer a girl.”

C: THIS
: IS GOING TO BE THE BEST SHORT STORY
: EVER

A: YES, IT IS
: oh but before she becomes a towel, make sure she gives birth to a half-human, deadly washcloth.

C: what should I call it?
: Textiles?
: Timed Cycle?

A: Towelight
: Hung Dry…?
: I do like Timed Cycle tho
: it has DEEPER MEANING

[Later that day…]

C: I have a document in my Google Docs list titled “Threadbare Lovers.”