Don’t's
Drag me out of line (and away from my friends) as if you are a bouncer at a club, lie to the woman at the door about how you "already paid" my cover, and then save my number in your phone under Chelsi Thinks She Can Get Any Guy with Her Cute Cropped Rihanna Hair.
Dude. No.
Don’t's
Go through self checkout when you've got a full cart of groceries and a three year old that obviously hates being a three year old and everything it stands for. I mean, COME ON.
Don’t's
1. Ask me to get coffee with you three times in one day. One rejection requires a lot of energy and doing it three times almost killed me, man.
2. Attempt to hide the fact that you have a child.
3. Forget my name yet still have the balls to ask for my number.
4. Call me five hours after I've given you my number. I mean, I know that probably sounds bitchy and I wasn't going to call you back anyway, but come on. At least wait a day.
Don’t's
Try to make nice on AIM after you've already fucked me over multiple times. I won't be cool just because it's been months since we last spoke:
Asshole: Hey
Me: ..hi
Asshole: What's the password to my old computer?
Me: I don't know. You didn't tell it to me.
Asshole: I did too!
Me: No, because you password protected it in the first place after I found that folder full of slutty photos of all of your ex girlfriends. You know, the ones you crawled around for on Myspace *while* we were dating? You must remember.
Asshole: Anyway...
Me: Try "imadickhole"
Asshole: The password hint is "my fav"
Me: Oh, oh, try "Myspace hookers"
Don’t's
Try real hard to hang out with me as soon as you hit a rough patch with your girlfriend. Douche.