Don’t's
Use the employee phone list to call me up and ask me on a date. I won't answer the phone because I don't recognize your number, and the voice mail you leave will sound creepy and pathetic. And definitely don't call me back thirty minutes later and leave another voice mail that says, "Hey Chelsi, I was just listening to a fun song. Though you might want to chat. Guess not. Okay, bye!"
I'm researching how to file a restraining order.
Don’t's
Message me on Myspace (or any other social network) with: I finally mustard up the courage to say hi to you.
Ketchup on your spelling, yo.
Okay, I know that was corny, but COME ON.
Don’t's
Jock me when you're already in a relationship that you just can't admit to because, I don't know, your balls haven't dropped? Or maybe you just need to grow a pair altogether? Either way, those kind of issues are not what I look for in a significant other.
Don’t's
Put a hairless cat in your window. I mean, come on, you're a BOOK STORE. You're supposed to be my safe haven, not the place where I go to scream and run from giant rats.
Don’t's
Stare at little ol' me, standing on a curb and minding my own business, while suggestively sucking on your lollipop, you dirty, dirty man. Your Little Richard-like hair does not make me hot, nor do your greasemonkey jeans. Also, from over here it looks like you could benefit from shaving your tongue a bit, along with your leathery face. And let's talk about the truck your leaning on, since I'm sure it's your work vehicle. It says Erection Lifting Company on it, and that's just not right. IT'S JUST NOT RIGHT.
Don’t's
Text me with: Chelsi, where have all the cats gone? --Especially if I haven't returned your calls in over four months. And extra especially if THERE WERE NEVER ANY CATS TO BEGIN WITH. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!