Do’s
Change all Chuck Norris jokes to Michael Phelps jokes:
-Jesus didn’t walk on water. He just hitched a ride on Michael Phelps’ back.
-When Michael Phelps swims, he doesn’t swim forward, the pool moves backwards.
-Michael Phelps’ father is King Triton. It’s why he wasn’t in the stands.
(via digg)
-Michael Phelps can split the atom. With his bare hands.
(via gawker)
(I stole this entire post from Amy because I lack humor, originality and time to surf the internet. Thanks, dear!)
Do’s
Write: "in need of a hooker" on your soggy piece of cardboard, you dear little homeless man.
Do’s
Text message me with: I'm on a shuttle bus in the middle of Manhattan listening to the driver scream Tagalog into a walki talki, and I'm searching for the punch line but can't find it.
Because I will laugh forever. Thank you, Sarah.
Do’s
Tell my boss that you'd marry me right this second if you could, then stand outside my place of business in your little kiosk, rockin' your mullet/faux hawk creation and white framed sunglasses-- neither of which, by the way, are very flattering. It makes my work day that much more entertaining.
Do’s/Don’t's
Wake me up at 4:00AM by kissing me when, until now, the two of us sleeping beside each other after drunken adventures has been totally Dawson and Joey style: platonic. It'll shock the shit out of me and then as I sit down to write a blog entry, a little over twelve whole hours later, I still won't know how I feel about it.