35
Life asks: Wanna know what your super power is?
Chelsi answers: I don't think I have a choice.
Life: Nope!
According to Carl Jung, you:
1. Are extremely perceptive and aware of others
2. Are constantly gathering specific information about people and seeking to discover what it means
3. Are usually penetratingly accurate in your perceptions of others
4. Have an unusually deep well of caring for those who are close to you
5. Are likely to show your love through actions rather than words
6. Are extremely sensitive to your environment
7. Notice small variations in your physical world or in the people around you
8. Are extremely sensitive to balance and understand well what does or does not fit
Chelsi: That is creepily accurate.
Also, numbers 3, 7 and 8 add up and boil down to: I know when shit's wrong, especially when it's the kind of shit people don't want to acknowledge. I've lost count of the number of times I've heard something like, "Hey, you were right... I was being an asshole because of X,Y,Z. Sorry about that."
This means that when there's something funky going on and the other person decides to pretend like it's all in my head -- which it has been approximately twice in my entire life -- I have two choices: Lose sleep to obsessing over every facet of the issue until they're ready to talk about it, or be an insistent, annoying little shit until they're so sick of me they explode with admissions and hurtful word vomit. Option number one usually turns me into a crazy person and option number two tends to end the relationship completely (*waves to ex-boyfriends*).
And I would be chill and just sweep shit under the carpet, but number four doesn't let me.
Life: Wow, you're talking a lot...
Chelsi: Sorry. So my super power is crippling perception?
Chelsi: Worst super power ever.
Life: You're welcome. Smiley face.
34
Life asks: Chelsi, you haven't even said anything about the volcano!
Chelsi answers: Oh, you mean the one that erupted and ruined the trip to France I'd been planning for a year?
Life: THAT'S THE ONE!
Chelsi: Of. All. Things.
Life: I know, right? I'm pretty proud of myself.
Chelsi: You're dead to me.
33
Life asks: You suddenly find yourself in the emergency room, stripping down to one of those hideous backless hospital gowns in preparation for a chest exam. What's the first thing that crosses your mind?
Chelsi answers: Bad day for a thong, but the nips have been groomed so we're all good.
32
Life asks: Have a good time in Japan?
Chelsi answers: The best, but I can't wait to get home and collapse into bed.
Life: Probably not the best time for civic responsibilities then.
Chelsi: You don't mean...
Life: Jury duty, sucka!
31
Life asks: Did...you just refer to me as a gangbanger?
Chelsi answers: Oh yeah, I totally did. Gangbanger.
[long pause]
Life: Yeah, okay.
30
Chelsi asks: Hey life.
Life answers: Sup.
Chelsi: Why are you such a fucker?
Life: If by fucker you mean awesome, then well, it's just my nature.
29
Life asks: Hey, aren't you supposed to be in Japan right now?
Chelsi answers:
Life asks: Right. Still not speaking then.
28
Life asks: So, how was your Valentine’s Day?
Chelsi answers:
Life: I really just want you to address the part where your dad asked you to leave the house for the evening. I mean, you must have something to say about that?
Chelsi:
Life: Oh come on, how did it make you feel to be 24, single, living at home to save money for your up and coming travel plans, and to have a father that’s getting more action than you on the supposed most romantic day of the year?
Chelsi:
Life: ANYTHING.
Chelsi:
Life: I can sense that you may feel a tad angry.
Chelsi:
Life: I’m just going to add a hash mark to MY side of the scoreboard, unless you disagree?
Chelsi:
Life: OK. Just so you know, the score is now Me: 1908342984, You: negative 16.