If you read this and feel like I’m talking directly to you, it’s probably because I am
Homo sentimentalist cannot be defined as a man with feelings (for we all have feelings), but as a man who has raised feelings to a category of value. As soon as feelings are seen as a value, everyone wants to feel; and because we all like to pride ourselves on our values, we have a tendency to show off our feelings.
- Milan Kundera, Immortality
In my mind, when all is said and done and we are stripped of all our earthly possessions and jobs and schools and futures, when all we have is the way we think, feel and react in the present moment, when we are nothing but insignificant specks in the universe and our slates are clear of all sin, of all... I am still just as grateful to have you as a friend as I am when all of that garb is included. I don't judge you because of what you've done or what I know/think you will do. You don't have my respect because of what you've accomplished and/or what you're aiming for.
You are my friend because you just are. I respect you because of what you are without the world and I don't judge you for your actions because I know who you are without them. It'll never be something you have to worry about or question. It's solid like a rock. It's automatic.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to feel this way.
Thinking
Being broken up with is like being in a car accident when you've never so much as sped or got a parking ticket in your whole life, and then one day some Ford fucker, or maybe even a Toyota, doesn't look before they change lanes and the next thing you know, you, the perfect driver, are flush with the asphalt.
Lyrically inclined
The following is a very cool survey that I came across while sifting through journal entries at my old domain (the original entry was posted on February 3, 2004). Questions were to be answered in lyrics, and since I used to refer to myself as Chelso the Music Ho (seriously), you KNOW I had a ton of fun with this one. I wanted to fill it out again so I could post an updated version on this site, but as it turns out, almost nothing at all has changed:
1. DESCRIBE HOW YOU LOOK: "My ass is like...wo, my body's like...wo." - Mya
2. TELL US A LITTLE ABOUT YOURSELF: "squint your eyes and look closer, I'm not between you and your ambition. I am a poster girl with no poster. I am 32 flavors and then some." - Ani Difranco
3. IF YOU COULD SAY ONE THING TO THE PERSON YOU LIKE WHAT WOULD IT BE?: This is a hard one. Sometimes it's: "You'll remember me like a melody, yeah, I'll haunt the world inside you, and my big secret - gonna win you over, slow like honey, heavy with mood" - Fiona Apple
Other times it's: "Loving you is a like a song I replay, every three minutes and thirty seconds of every day, and every chorus was written for us to recite, every beautiful melody of devotion every night" - Lauryn Hill.
And unfortunately, sometimes it's even: "I'll throw my heart out, keep my head up, I cannot fuck up cuz I got what you need boy (baby I do) but I will only cause you pain, yeah (I promise that) I got what you need boy (baby I do) but I will only bring on the rain" - Nelly Furtado
4. IF YOU COULD SAY ONE THING TO YOUR WORST ENEMY WHAT WOULD IT BE?: "you'll never live this life that I live. I'll never live the life that wakes me in the night. You'll never hear the message I give, you'll say it looks as though I might give up this fight. But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights, the shades and shadows undulate in my perception. My feelings swell and stretch, I see from greater heights. I realize what I am now too smart to mention to you." - Fiona Apple.
5. WHERE WOULD YOU GO TO VACATION?: "and I wish we could run, to the sun, and never come back" - N.E.R.D.
6. HOW DO YOU FEEL RIGHT NOW?: "A decade ago I never thought I would be, at twenty three, On the verge of spontaneous combustion woe-is-me. But I guess that it comes With the territory, an ominous landscape of never ending calamity, I need you to hear, I need you to see, that I have had all I can take and exploding seems like a definite possibility to me" - Incubus
7. WOULD YOU EVER HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND?: "I could sting like a bee, careful how you treat me, baby I don't think l'll accept your sorry invitation" - Natalie Imbruglia
--Don't even e-mail me about this one, okay? I said ALMOST nothing has changed!
8. HOW DO YOU SPEND YOUR WEEKENDS?: "chillin in the park, just waiting for the sun to go down." - a lighter shade of brown.
9. DO YOU HAVE A BOY/GIRL FRIEND?: "Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills cuz I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up, I got to fold cuz these hands are too shaky to hold, hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love" - Fiona Apple
10. ANY WORDS OF ADVICE?: "Just breathe" – Telepopmusik