Well that sucked/GPOYF
This site has been down for the last couple of weeks because my bandwidth was exceeded. I want to say it's because everyone suddenly likes (or "pluses") the things have to I say, and GAS has become so popular it can't handle the traffic, but the culprit is probably Jojo's response to Marvin's room. I've re-linked it as a YouTube video instead of a download.
The rest of July went just as shittily as the first half anyway, ending with two more funerals, the death of three pets and a minor car accident. Everything seemed so out of whack and ridiculous that a couple of my friends and I played the lottery just to see what would happen.
Before checking our numbers my roommate and I went to brunch at a little spot in the city called Serpentine. "Hey, when we get home there's like a .0000000001% chance we're going to be millionaires," I said. She looked at me, burst into laughterso loud that the people at the table next to us turned to see what was going on, and before I knew it we were both in unexpected hysterics, tears welling up in the corners of our eyes, hands clutching at our stomachs.
We didn't win, but that moment sure was worth the three dollars.
Little voice
I didn't speak at the funeral, so I wanted to put what I would have said out into the virtual ether:
Thank you for making sure I was always full. Painfully full.
Thank you for being so welcoming. And not in the hospitable way, but in the way where the first time I came over the dynamic was already so familiar I thought you might ask me to do the dishes or take out the trash. I wish more people were as accepting without question. (And now that you're gone, I can admit I totally would have done the dishes and taken out the trash.)
Thank you for giving me endless grief about how much I spoiled your son.
Thank you for thinking it was funny that your vicious dog had it out for me. The stories of teeth holes in the legs of my jeans and bladder infections from being too terrified to leave the safety of the bedroom have provided my friends with laughs for almost 7 years now.
Thank you for the time I visited you at the hospital. For making light of the situation by complaining about your stupid bed pan, your stupid nurse, and for making fun of the flowers I brought for being smaller than everyone else's. For the hug at the end that was surprisingly warm and kind, and the hand squeeze that said everything you didn't want to say out loud.
Thank you for the last time I saw you. We ran into each other at a Japanese restaurant, both alone, and you made me sit down and have dinner with you. Thank you for grilling me on what I was doing with my life and where I was going as if I was your own kid (and you better believe I broke a sweat). Thank you for smiling and being satisfied with my answers.
And finally, thank you for your sons. Rest easy and proud knowing they've turned into good people, and that they will undoubtedly go on affecting the lives of others in the same stubborn, frustrating, and absolutely endearing way. Especially your eldest, who has changed my life -- as much as I hate to admit it -- tremendously for the better.
I’m poor today
Chelsi : let's go dig up a box of money
Arwen: I love this idea
: Where shall we begin
C: I don't know
: but I watched Ocean's 11 yesterday
: So I know how to rob a casino
A: I love that film, and think I also know how to rob a casino
: you could so easily fit into that box, dude
C: I don't want to be the Chinese guy
: I always have to be the Chinese guy
Well said
Try looking at your mind as a wayward puppy that you are trying to paper train. You don’t drop-kick a puppy into the neighbor’s yard every time it piddles on the floor. You just keep bringing it back to the newspaper. So I keep trying gently to bring my mind back to what is really there to be seen, maybe to be seen and noted with a kind of reverence. Because if I don’t learn to do this, I think I’ll keep getting things wrong. -- Anne Lamott
GPOYW
Try as much as possible to be wholly alive, with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell and when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough. - William Saroyan
A couple of things:
1. I took this photo after a certain someone said, "Have faith, Chelsi."
2. Next I went to a funeral for the first time in over a decade, head held high. I cried. I laughed. I prayed. And then a hard truth hit me in the heart and I went home feeling empty, worthless and alone.
I can't say how much faith I have at this point but I know one thing's for certain: I'm alive. I'm definitely alive. I'm so painfully, painfully alive.
A good reminder on days like today
Originally referenced in this post. Please oh please Mary Schmich, help me get through this shit.
Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '99:
Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blind sides you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
The video is pretty good too.
My friends in Japan are so excellent
Me (RE: A dude from a past life who likes to come back around and punch me in the heart every now and again): Can you believe this saga has been going on for 7 years already? It's like HARRY POTTER.
Friend in Japan: Your Harry Potter saga may be going to end soon as the movie is the last episode. I wish the end of your saga is happy whatever the end is.
10 tips for boys
1. Don't be a liar.
2. If someone tells you they're in love with you and you don't feel the same way but want to remain friends, respect those feelings (e.g., don't put them in awkward situations -- e.g. don't invite them to an event wherein there will be people you are currently sleeping with).
3. If someone tells you they're in love with you and you don't feel the same way, don't sleep in their bed with your arms around them. It sends the wrong signals.
4. If you fall asleep with your arms around someone who loves you even though you don't love them back, and they manage to look past it and politely ask you not to initiate anymore physical contact of the sexual variety unless you reciprocate their feelings, don't proceed to make out with them and then fall asleep holding their hand. That's what we call Fucked Up.
5. If you've done all of the above and the person who loves you that you do not love back is still around, you should feel lucky for having found someone with a such a heart. As far as chicks go, occasionally their crazy unconditional love is not some stereotypical female response generated by Hollywood's countless happy endings. Occasionally it comes from a place that is so true it cannot be challenged.
That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
6. If you've done all of the above and the person who loves you that you do not love back is still around? Get it together, man. They are probably dying inside. Buy or borrow a pair of testicles and have the decency to talk to them. Explain that you've been a doucher and made a mistake-- if that's the case. Apologize. Answer their questions. Let them cry. Let them be angry with you. Let them get over it. Let them come back and give you another chance to be the friend you want to be; the friend they deserve.
7. Actually be that friend.
8. Don't be a liar.
9. Don't be a liar.
10. Stop fucking lying.