35
Life asks: Wanna know what your super power is?
Chelsi answers: I don't think I have a choice.
Life: Nope!
According to Carl Jung, you:
1. Are extremely perceptive and aware of others
2. Are constantly gathering specific information about people and seeking to discover what it means
3. Are usually penetratingly accurate in your perceptions of others
4. Have an unusually deep well of caring for those who are close to you
5. Are likely to show your love through actions rather than words
6. Are extremely sensitive to your environment
7. Notice small variations in your physical world or in the people around you
8. Are extremely sensitive to balance and understand well what does or does not fit
Chelsi: That is creepily accurate.
Also, numbers 3, 7 and 8 add up and boil down to: I know when shit's wrong, especially when it's the kind of shit people don't want to acknowledge. I've lost count of the number of times I've heard something like, "Hey, you were right... I was being an asshole because of X,Y,Z. Sorry about that."
This means that when there's something funky going on and the other person decides to pretend like it's all in my head -- which it has been approximately twice in my entire life -- I have two choices: Lose sleep to obsessing over every facet of the issue until they're ready to talk about it, or be an insistent, annoying little shit until they're so sick of me they explode with admissions and hurtful word vomit. Option number one usually turns me into a crazy person and option number two tends to end the relationship completely (*waves to ex-boyfriends*).
And I would be chill and just sweep shit under the carpet, but number four doesn't let me.
Life: Wow, you're talking a lot...
Chelsi: Sorry. So my super power is crippling perception?
Chelsi: Worst super power ever.
Life: You're welcome. Smiley face.
26
Life asks: Hey Chels, how accurately do you think your personality comes across through your writing?
Chelsi answers: Well, Life, I received the following e-mail from my internet friend Amy a couple of weeks ago:
Hey Chels,
This is gonna sound weird, but I just remembered that you were in my dream last night. I don't know why you were in my dream, or how I could have painted a physical picture of you since I haven't seen you in person before. But you had a nice apartment, though a little messy, and you were chasing after (or dating, not sure which) this one guy. You even had CCTV cameras to watch out for him. Other than that, I'm not sure what else happened.
Life: Wow. So, pretty dead on then.
Chelsi: Yeah...
Life: And you didn't even have to write about the period of time you were stalking that drug-dealing barista at Starbucks!
Chelsi: Thanks for bringing that up, man.
Life: It's nothin'.
25
Life asks: How do you know that in spite of it all, there is some kind of crazy, cosmic, protective bubble of goodness around you all the time?
Chelsi answers: Because even though bad things happen to me, it always seems like I just barely miss all the REALLY bad things, like the car that was stalled in the middle lane of the freeway the other night while I was traveling along at a reasonable (for California) 85 mph.
Life: Does that mean you're not AS mad about walking out to the parking lot the other day to find that your rear window had fallen into the door frame?
Chelsi: No, that made me really angry.
Life: I'm sure the next day when you walked out to your driveway and found that your dad had brilliantly duct taped it back into place was cool though, right?
Chelsi: Stop talking.
23
Life asks: Your father has been asking you to clean out all the boxes of clothes and miscellaneous crap in your room at his house for literally fifteen years. You finally did it last month and he couldn't be more ecstatic, a mood that is rarely seen when it comes to your dad. Is there anything that could possibly ruin this wonderful moment?
Chelsi answers: Oh gee, I don't know life, I guess the part where the entire bar in my ten foot wide closet ripped through the supporting particle board under the weight of all my clean and newly put away and color-arranged clothes put a slight damper on my good mood.
Life: You forgot to mention how the brackets under the upper shelf were also ripped out, nails and all, and that now all of your clothes are hanging on an Ikea clothing rack in the spare bedroom.
Chelsi: Screw you.